Four Days

It’s been four days since my last binge. I can’t even remember what it was, but it’s definitely a full four days later. The fog is starting to lift.

I am a sugar addict, big time. It’s clearly sugar because I never binge on vegetables! Simple carbs too, which are not much better than sugar (so I am told).

This is an addiction I’ve had since I was 9 years old – some 24 years. I’ve been fighting it actively since 2010, now into my seventh year of ongoing battles.

My high watermark was losing 9 stone with all thanks to following the LighterLife plan. I remain grateful to them. If followed diligently theirs is a plan that demonstrably works.  It’s sticking to it over the long term that I struggled with. I tried no less than four times since my initial successful time with their plan. Every time I returned it became increasingly difficult to stay on plan.

The same applied to all other diet plans I tried since. I just couldn’t stick with them. Then, about two years ago, I decided that enough is enough. I gave up entirely. I sank into a depression. Suicide was seriously contemplated, and even planned.

But I sought help. I got on anti-depressants and eventually into counselling. A dear friend of mine who wanted to get into coaching offered to help me.  I went on a new journey. I reconnected with God, and I decided to stop trying plans and tackle this differently.  It was time to focus on the addiction and the binge eating.

But more than that. I decided to get out more. I’m not just a sugar addict. I’m a computer addict too. Always on a technological device or gadget, always working on my computer.  I stoped playing games for hours (days) on end in around 2005, but I’m still not free of this particular addiction. It’s also my livelihood!

I’m making progress. A dear friend and client has been extremely supportive and helpful to me. He supports my new ambition – to grow my way out of my computer addiction. I need to grow my business to the point where I can take on another person to help me – my first hire. They would be the one to sit at the computer and deliver the work, allowing me to focus on my clients through face to face activities.  I’m no longer the geek in the corner and feel confident dealing with people, presenting, consulting and generally kicking down doors for my clients so they can get things done and move their businesss forward.

There is for the first time in years a real medium to long term plan. A light at the end of a very dark and very long tunnel. Four days is but the blink of an eye, but it’s also a very long time to someone as seriously addicted as me.

Sugar addiction or addictive overeating is horrible. As the fog lifts, new feelings of remorse, regret and anxiety take over. There’s an emotional stabbing sensation that strikes whenever I think about how I have been wasting my life. There is regret over the people and things I have neglected or mistreated.  There’s also a bloody persistent headache.

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